If there is anything to Chinese Astrology or Numerology or any of those things that I know nothing about, it is that every year, no matter what the rest of the year has been like, Fall is hands down a time of great clarity, creativity and productivity for me. Everyone has their own time, apparently. Spring and the popularized "spring cleaning" is not my time. It's like that though; I clean, sort, organize, cook and otherwise prepare for my busiest season. Mentally, physically and even spiritually.
It's a pretty significant shift.
It feels like a light switch, it's that drastic; by the end of summer I am usually lazy and fried from all the hot weather. But come the end of August, I am a machine. Ever since I can remember, I could feel/ smell when the change happens (Often starting in mid-late August when the days start to get shorter despite the still warm weather) and once it does, my mind just goes. Thoughts of what to cook, Halloween (HALLOWEEN!!), new coats and socks and spooky movies.
I credit this 2-3 month time with propelling me through the rest of the year and count on it because I know it's fleeting. The rest of the year is basically me muddling through. Sometimes I feel like biologically, I am on a different clock than everyone else; that my New Years comes months earlier. My only explanation is that there is something bigger at work. That this, for reasons I do not comprehend, is my time.
I don't even need coffee.
I drink it anyway.
My theory is that for the many years that we are in school, even through college, there is a definite cycle. There are breaks that designate the seasons and if you grew up in beautiful New England like I did, there are defined seasons. The summer is humid and hot and as soon as you get even a whiff of the fall breeze, you are whisked off to get school clothes and supplies. It was all very exciting for me, like I got to start over...Like New Years...The theory is that now that I am no longer in school, I am still in the cycle.
To tell you the truth, I don't care why it is. It makes me feel closer to nature and and to friends and to myself because I am doing things close to home. My to-do lists become; butternut squash soup, Baby Boom (no comments, please), The Shins and the Fleet Foxes and Simon and Garfunkel and carve pumpkins with friends. Instead of; Oil change, grocery store, post office.
On my list;
-List of things to cook this winter-check.
-Halloween costume idea-check
-School supplies-check
-Enrollment in school...
-Reading The Historian. It's about Dracula.
-New boots-check
-Organize the storage room so that it resembles a second bedroom...
-Switch to warm drinks instead of cold
-Figure out how to stay this productive all year
Friday, September 2, 2011
Friday, April 15, 2011
An Open Letter to Ali Brosh:
(Ali Brosh= Hyperbole and a Half. I will wait for you to go there and acquaint yourself with her blog, but you have to promise to come back....Stop Lying, LIAR! You don't know what you're dealing with. You won't be back...I'm probably not even coming back.)
Dear Ali,
It's April. It has been almost 2 months.
In all of 2011, you have posted twice. Last year, you posted 61 times by now.
You have a responsibility to your readers. It is sad to say, but some people's happiness (not mine) revolves around your posts (mine actually revolves around my big, whopping, amazing, bad-assed super rad life that is brain meltingly insane okay? Say "okay!"). The fact of the matter is that you are contributing to the Sneaky Hate Spiral of the 208,619 people that "like" you on Facebook.*
So you know how when somebody says they will call and they don't and you assume the worst? I know you do. Because that is the nature of Hyperbole and you are an entire HALF above that.
I have narrowed it down to the only possibilities:
-You switched to a Mac
-You have joined a street gang and are hooked on smack.
-Some batshit crazy fan (NOT me) became jealous of your talent and performed a funny-ectomy on you and has stolen all of your funny for themselves
-You are trapped in Middle Earth (where everybody knows that the WiFi connection is shit) rendering you incapable of pushing the Post button
-You became encased in the Phantom Zone like the bad guys from Superman 2 and have since been orbiting the cosmos
-You are on tour with Charlie Sheen and hooked on smack
I realize that the simplest solution is probably the right answer, but I don't want to imagine you, in Bend, being a productive member of society...with responsibilities. In society...I just...I just can't. It's too depressing.
So let's do the right thing, dearest. Post something. Anything...How about a countdown? An Estimated time of Arrival? A picture of Rick Morranis? How about several?? We can take it. A picture of Steven Segal, Lawman battling the Shark Bear! A picture of Rick Morranis and Steven Segal, Lawman riding Tricera-Topless into battle with the Shark Bear!!
One generous friend even offered you use of her stories if you are struggling with writers block (you should take her for all she's got...She has basically dedicated her life to being a cautionary tale to others).
And? I really think you need to see this thread. You are causing violence to hobos.
I wish I knew how to quit you,
Mary
*Not intended to be a factual statement.
Dear Ali,
It's April. It has been almost 2 months.
In all of 2011, you have posted twice. Last year, you posted 61 times by now.
You have a responsibility to your readers. It is sad to say, but some people's happiness (not mine) revolves around your posts (mine actually revolves around my big, whopping, amazing, bad-assed super rad life that is brain meltingly insane okay? Say "okay!"). The fact of the matter is that you are contributing to the Sneaky Hate Spiral of the 208,619 people that "like" you on Facebook.*
So you know how when somebody says they will call and they don't and you assume the worst? I know you do. Because that is the nature of Hyperbole and you are an entire HALF above that.
I have narrowed it down to the only possibilities:
-You switched to a Mac
-You have joined a street gang and are hooked on smack.
-Some batshit crazy fan (NOT me) became jealous of your talent and performed a funny-ectomy on you and has stolen all of your funny for themselves
-You are trapped in Middle Earth (where everybody knows that the WiFi connection is shit) rendering you incapable of pushing the Post button
-You became encased in the Phantom Zone like the bad guys from Superman 2 and have since been orbiting the cosmos
-You are on tour with Charlie Sheen and hooked on smack
I realize that the simplest solution is probably the right answer, but I don't want to imagine you, in Bend, being a productive member of society...with responsibilities. In society...I just...I just can't. It's too depressing.
So let's do the right thing, dearest. Post something. Anything...How about a countdown? An Estimated time of Arrival? A picture of Rick Morranis? How about several?? We can take it. A picture of Steven Segal, Lawman battling the Shark Bear! A picture of Rick Morranis and Steven Segal, Lawman riding Tricera-Topless into battle with the Shark Bear!!
One generous friend even offered you use of her stories if you are struggling with writers block (you should take her for all she's got...She has basically dedicated her life to being a cautionary tale to others).
And? I really think you need to see this thread. You are causing violence to hobos.
I wish I knew how to quit you,
Mary
*Not intended to be a factual statement.
Friday, April 8, 2011
Overheard in the Nordy Rack Dressing Room:
Attendant 1: I can't tell if this is Cake or Jet. (in my mind: It's Cake! Cake! Caaaaaake! Wait. Whoa...Cake is being confused with Jet...) Cake has trumpets, they're a ska band. (Huh??)
Attendant 2: Ska?
1: Yep, music popular in the 80's and 90's but not anymore and the band has a ton of instruments. Like the trumpet. I used to be obsessed with the trumpet but not so much anymore.
2: Huh?
1: You know that song "Our house. In the middle of our street?" They're a ska band too....Oh!! Hear that? It's trumpet! It's Cake!
2: Have you tried that lip plumping lip gloss?
Attendant 2: Ska?
1: Yep, music popular in the 80's and 90's but not anymore and the band has a ton of instruments. Like the trumpet. I used to be obsessed with the trumpet but not so much anymore.
2: Huh?
1: You know that song "Our house. In the middle of our street?" They're a ska band too....Oh!! Hear that? It's trumpet! It's Cake!
2: Have you tried that lip plumping lip gloss?
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Lifestyle, yo!
I love when you find a book that you picked up on a whim that ends up broadening your world view and expanding on something that you have been mulling over. I further love when you come across it unexpectedly on the sale rack at Powell's.
When I turned 30, I took a good look at my life; The past few years seemed to blur together. It was difficult to differentiate events. In that time, I started this cubicle job, using texting more than calling and using social media more and more. And even with these conventions that are supposedly there to make things easier and to theoretically give me more leisure time, I felt more rushed than ever.
Monday through Friday I power through the motions, trying to get as much done as possible. By Friday, I am too exhausted to function, too exhausted to be excited that it's Friday. Saturday I finally decompress a little and Sunday, I gear up for work again.
I had read this article in the New York Times about how technology is affecting kids socially and then a similar article on UCLA Today about how technology is changing the wiring in our brains.
It matched with some of the things I have been experiencing; more scattered (so much so that I thought I might have something medically wrong), sleeplessness and even depression. I attributed it to getting older and even my lack of passion for my job that I theorized had caused me to mentally switch to autopilot.
I began to wonder if it was related to how little time I actually spent with myself so I endeavored to slow things down.
About a year ago, I started to turn off my phone and TV and computer hour before bed because I noticed that I wasn't sleeping well; I felt like my brain was still engaged. I dedicated more time to making my bedroom a serene, calming place and to resting before trying to sleep. It has largely worked. If I get a good workout during the day, it works even better and, as you can imagine, if I eat well, better still.
2 out of 3 is good enough for me. I won't say that I sleep well every single night, but I will say that my ability to concentrate and my memory are improved. It's a work in progress.
Self care is big for me these days; I still don't have cable or the Internet in my new place, which has been a HUGE change (I have been through my entire movie collection several times over), not obligating myself so readily and spending more time being quiet. I read, I cook, I walk my dog and when I spend time with my friends, it's more meaningful.
"Only in the deep repose of a summer's evening, serenely planted in a twilit cottage, savoring rich ideas, could I regain my bearings." Brende says. I doubt I will get this in my neighborhood, but still. Something to aspire to...
I'm trying to focus on the quality of my experience rather than the quantity of experiences...
..Like the Amish!
(Admit it. My segues are GENIUS!)
I picked up this book because it is not a guilt-trimmed tome about Society and it's affect on the environment. He isn't preaching about sustainability. This book is about lifestyle; what you get in happiness when you give it all up and do everything by hand. This is an MIT-educated man, here people. Giving it all up to do manual labor.
He is not Amish, (Minimite, actually) but he does decide to live among them and the results are completely refreshing. Rather than noting every novel difference, Brende seeks to get the most out of his experience and fully embrace the life, if not the religion despite being Catholic. He also does an amazing job explaining the different sects and the thinking behind the beliefs that we outsiders think are so novel.
In doing so, he realizes that yes, this lifestyle requires a lot of hard work but the reward is that "Many hands make for light work" and that the work itself (since everyone is in on it) is more fulfilling and lends to deeper friendships and sense of community. That we are not going through life alone, tackling all the projects that take up our time when we work together and that even the children have the tools to fend for themselves more so than the children brought up with technology. More so he finds, than adults.
Here is an excerpt from Better Off that really resonated with me:
"And this explained not only why time moved more slowly but also why we had more of it, why we were able to relax and read the way we were doing right now: in the absence of fast paced gizmos, ringing phones, alarm clocks, television, radios, and car, we could simply take our time. The event is only in the moment. By speeding through life with technology, you reduce what any given moment can old. By slowing down, you expand it.
Shortcuts lead to emergency mending sessions in order to piece together back in what was cut out, to lengthen what was shortened; Computer users, cramped in a cubicle all day long, jogging around the block. Bureaucrats and financiers, zooming ahead along their career paths, then reversing gears to attend school concerts, ball games, and parent teacher meetings. Captives of the technological environment fleeing for brief weekends to mountains, beaches and rustic cabins."
When I turned 30, I took a good look at my life; The past few years seemed to blur together. It was difficult to differentiate events. In that time, I started this cubicle job, using texting more than calling and using social media more and more. And even with these conventions that are supposedly there to make things easier and to theoretically give me more leisure time, I felt more rushed than ever.
Monday through Friday I power through the motions, trying to get as much done as possible. By Friday, I am too exhausted to function, too exhausted to be excited that it's Friday. Saturday I finally decompress a little and Sunday, I gear up for work again.
I had read this article in the New York Times about how technology is affecting kids socially and then a similar article on UCLA Today about how technology is changing the wiring in our brains.
It matched with some of the things I have been experiencing; more scattered (so much so that I thought I might have something medically wrong), sleeplessness and even depression. I attributed it to getting older and even my lack of passion for my job that I theorized had caused me to mentally switch to autopilot.
I began to wonder if it was related to how little time I actually spent with myself so I endeavored to slow things down.
About a year ago, I started to turn off my phone and TV and computer hour before bed because I noticed that I wasn't sleeping well; I felt like my brain was still engaged. I dedicated more time to making my bedroom a serene, calming place and to resting before trying to sleep. It has largely worked. If I get a good workout during the day, it works even better and, as you can imagine, if I eat well, better still.
2 out of 3 is good enough for me. I won't say that I sleep well every single night, but I will say that my ability to concentrate and my memory are improved. It's a work in progress.
Self care is big for me these days; I still don't have cable or the Internet in my new place, which has been a HUGE change (I have been through my entire movie collection several times over), not obligating myself so readily and spending more time being quiet. I read, I cook, I walk my dog and when I spend time with my friends, it's more meaningful.
"Only in the deep repose of a summer's evening, serenely planted in a twilit cottage, savoring rich ideas, could I regain my bearings." Brende says. I doubt I will get this in my neighborhood, but still. Something to aspire to...
I'm trying to focus on the quality of my experience rather than the quantity of experiences...
..Like the Amish!
(Admit it. My segues are GENIUS!)
I picked up this book because it is not a guilt-trimmed tome about Society and it's affect on the environment. He isn't preaching about sustainability. This book is about lifestyle; what you get in happiness when you give it all up and do everything by hand. This is an MIT-educated man, here people. Giving it all up to do manual labor.
He is not Amish, (Minimite, actually) but he does decide to live among them and the results are completely refreshing. Rather than noting every novel difference, Brende seeks to get the most out of his experience and fully embrace the life, if not the religion despite being Catholic. He also does an amazing job explaining the different sects and the thinking behind the beliefs that we outsiders think are so novel.
In doing so, he realizes that yes, this lifestyle requires a lot of hard work but the reward is that "Many hands make for light work" and that the work itself (since everyone is in on it) is more fulfilling and lends to deeper friendships and sense of community. That we are not going through life alone, tackling all the projects that take up our time when we work together and that even the children have the tools to fend for themselves more so than the children brought up with technology. More so he finds, than adults.
Here is an excerpt from Better Off that really resonated with me:
"And this explained not only why time moved more slowly but also why we had more of it, why we were able to relax and read the way we were doing right now: in the absence of fast paced gizmos, ringing phones, alarm clocks, television, radios, and car, we could simply take our time. The event is only in the moment. By speeding through life with technology, you reduce what any given moment can old. By slowing down, you expand it.
Shortcuts lead to emergency mending sessions in order to piece together back in what was cut out, to lengthen what was shortened; Computer users, cramped in a cubicle all day long, jogging around the block. Bureaucrats and financiers, zooming ahead along their career paths, then reversing gears to attend school concerts, ball games, and parent teacher meetings. Captives of the technological environment fleeing for brief weekends to mountains, beaches and rustic cabins."
Saturday, March 19, 2011
For Katie: A Happy Birthday Amber Alert
Name: Katie's Dignity
Hair: Wiley Eyes: Two Fingers: Plenty of them. Arms: She flails. Sex: Eunuch
Last seen: Ehhhhmmm...I thought I saw it once in Scotland, and then the drunk host at the B'n'B grabbed her ass and it disappeared like the fine mist of the Isle. It was also once rumored to inhabit the halls of various colleges before she started to carry her flask defending that "it fits the description of a covered container."
Wearing: Disco ball balls. Hole-y goldfish boxers. A child size winter coat, mittens woth fold over fingers and a string connecting them so they don't get lost. Glasses. She cannot see without them. It is fun to take them and watch her throw a hissy.
Known to Imbibe: Does this look like a face that would drink a
Be Suspicious if you Hear: Sappy European Whiney Boy Songs. Must know the lyrics and analyze all the words to their songs, taking any spontaneity out of music.
Is Probably Watching: Jane Austen BBC Movies.
Known Accomplices: Stupid Girl.
Not to be Confused With: Liz Lemon from popular TV show 30 Rock. (She indeed has a cat and is actually a librarian...at TWO libraries!)
Notes: Does not enjoy surprises, being patient or Texas. Cares about my fiber. Has for a while now.
Happy Birthday, Amiga! Ole!
Feel free to do your "alluring belly dance" now.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Not an Amazing Artist?
But surrounded by talent? Story of my life.
I totally appreciate the creative arts, this is Portland. How could I not? If I throw a rock, I could literally hit Evan B Harris or Sallie Ford or Brin Levinson or Roll Hardy or any of these ladies.
Literally. I could hit them. With a rock.
They're everywhere; flaunting their awesomeness and their non-cubicle jobs, keeping Portland restaurants full of things to look at during awkward silences...
Me? I'm good for like, something eye-catching (also see: "gawdy") with glitter all over it or some sweet, coloring book action but as far as my self expression goes, I think it could be safe to say that my style tends toward the stuff you would see in that Amy Sedaris book, "Crafts for Poor People."
Having this level of self-expressive talent, it might surprise you to know that I consider myself a pretty visual person; it has been said (by my mother) that I have a keen eye. I just do not posess the ability to articulate my ideas into anything other than "crayon stained glass" or "popsicle stick houses" (These are real crafts practiced by real young and budding artists and can be found in the "non-edible" section of your kindergartner's craft book. Neener).
But just because (as an unamused snowboard instructor once told me) "my talents obviously lie elsewhere" doesn't mean I don't have immaculate taste in stuff and things. And, even if you count yourself among those of us who are unable to translate your ideas into actual art like all those other jerks, you still need inspiration, too.
And I find tons on ETSY. com
I realize that this is less than a phenomenon for those of you in the know, but even you should bear with me because I have "curated" my own little collection of sellers that I think are incredible (all pictures are courtesy of the respective seller):
I totally appreciate the creative arts, this is Portland. How could I not? If I throw a rock, I could literally hit Evan B Harris or Sallie Ford or Brin Levinson or Roll Hardy or any of these ladies.
Literally. I could hit them. With a rock.
They're everywhere; flaunting their awesomeness and their non-cubicle jobs, keeping Portland restaurants full of things to look at during awkward silences...
Me? I'm good for like, something eye-catching (also see: "gawdy") with glitter all over it or some sweet, coloring book action but as far as my self expression goes, I think it could be safe to say that my style tends toward the stuff you would see in that Amy Sedaris book, "Crafts for Poor People."
Having this level of self-expressive talent, it might surprise you to know that I consider myself a pretty visual person; it has been said (by my mother) that I have a keen eye. I just do not posess the ability to articulate my ideas into anything other than "crayon stained glass" or "popsicle stick houses" (These are real crafts practiced by real young and budding artists and can be found in the "non-edible" section of your kindergartner's craft book. Neener).
But just because (as an unamused snowboard instructor once told me) "my talents obviously lie elsewhere" doesn't mean I don't have immaculate taste in stuff and things. And, even if you count yourself among those of us who are unable to translate your ideas into actual art like all those other jerks, you still need inspiration, too.
And I find tons on ETSY. com
I realize that this is less than a phenomenon for those of you in the know, but even you should bear with me because I have "curated" my own little collection of sellers that I think are incredible (all pictures are courtesy of the respective seller):
 |
| Victorian Dollhouse: Can you BELIEVE this?! I can't freaking believe how unbelievable this is. |
 |
| Craftall : Mind. Blown. Paper. Do you see that this topography is made of PAPER?? |
 |
| Marysgranddaughter: Felted Diorama. Brilliant. Not your average shoebox. |
 |
| Benagami A whole ENTIRE bonsai tree scene made out of origami. |
Monday, March 14, 2011
Peanut Butter Jelly Time!
Fun fact: I once brought only pre-made peanut butter and jelly sandwiches on a camping trip.
A few years ago, I was visiting my relatives and it was the first time that I had ever had the fresh peanut butter, you know; freshly ground out of the machine. I ate it everyday for breakfast on toast. I ate it with apples for snacks until it was gone.
"I'm sorry, I ate all of your peanut butter." I apologized.
"Of course you did, you're your father's child." My aunt informed me.
You might recall this little number involving peanut butter cupcakes for said father.
So there you have it; it's genetic. I can't help it. It is completely instinctual and it lends to a terrible distrust of those who claim not to like it. Allergies, I understand, though a swollen throat probably wouldn't be enough to stop me from eating it by the spoonful.
Not liking peanut butter is indicative of a much bigger problem. People who don't like peanut butter are most likely sociopaths. Unamerican sociopaths.
I required of myself that I share, so I brought some to work. But the coworkers in my unit had consipred against me to be out so that I had no choice but to eat them all, but I showed them- I put them in the break room to be shared by all. Nothing survives the break room. NOTHING!
I did end up cooking them a bit longer than recommended and I suggest letting them cool for much longer than 30 minutes. Like, overnight if possible. Your great dane will be very interested in the peanut butter aspect as well, so keep them covered and out of reach.
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